In my last email, I shared about some of my personal encounters and experiences of dealing with parents that are objecting towards an online relationships. I forgot to add that parents can also be against a love relationship that has a big age gap, both in my post and in my email. Today, I am going to continue from my previous post on “Parental objection and your love relationship – Part 1“, on how you can deal with your parents in a practical way so that your parents may gradually come to accept your love relationship with your partner if they have any issues with it.

Parents are not very direct in their objection to your love relationship even if they do object to it.

Usually they tell you that they are not against your relationship, but give hints with lots of advice and try other sorts of means to limit contact with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You will feel it, sense it, and sometimes feel suffocated about their subtle approach. Now what really makes parents become obvious in their intentions is when you rebut their words and they respond back with angry feelings. Next, you become angry, give them reasons to support your stand, and then your parents do the same thing also. It will be a big fight, and from then on your parents and you will have frequent wars. This is a typical situation that happens to people who have parents that are objecting in their love relationship. Parents will be upset that you do not see their good intentions and view; you will not be happy that your parents are not supportive and giving the freedom you want.

What is the point of trying to convince someone with just plain reasons?

Ever seen an insurance agent trying to give you a thousand reasons on why you should take a look at his insurance polices? Do you ever buy an insurance policy because you are just solely convinced with his logic and reasonings? For myself, I never did, because I know that he may be giving me reasons to buy these insurance policies for his benefit and not mine. Similarly, you are not giving reasons for your parents’ benefit, but just to support your own stand for your love relationship. Your parents can see that, and are doing about the same to you too for their own intentions.

How you should approach parents if they are closing down on you with reasons or forcing their stand on you…

1. Try not to convince your parents with mere logic and reasonings. Doing otherwise will only make the arguments more intense and it will spoil your chance of convincing them even more. No matter how unreasonable and wrong they seem to be, if their hearts are closed, it does not matter how right you are in your reasonings. 2. If you need to make a stand, do it silently and not try to force your stand upon them. It means that you are just silent, show that you did indeed hear them, but you still maintain your stand respectfully. They will still be upset no matter how silent you are, however it surely gives them less reasons to pick on your faults in the long run.

How should you start convincing your parents in the long run for your love relationship?

Your partner and you need to work together. Both of you do need to know what your partner’s and your parents want as an life partner for the both of you respectively.

• Parents like people who are well-educated, have financial stability and a great future ahead.

It is not about the amount of lovey dovey feelings that your partner and you both share for each other that will convince your parents to acknowledge your love relationship; like I said when parents are down-to-earth, they want to know whether you have the ability currently to take care of their child if he or she is placed in your hands. Therefore if you are a teenager, and you are dating some guy or girl that do not seem to be responsible in your parents’ eye in terms of studies and academics, it is time for both of you to pull up your socks. And if both of you are adults and yet your partner or you have not secured a job or a career, you need to start. If you are not assuring your partner’s or your own parents’ now that you are responsible and that you have financial stability and education now, they will not be convinced of what you say about the future and the present. Especially if the issues that you feel your partner’s parents are against you for are about religion and race; in order for your words to be even heard, you need to know to convince them in the area of financial stability and success first. And it surely raises the chances of your or your partner’s parents to acknowledge the both of you in your relationship, no matter how bias they are against you in race and religion. Think about it; if you own oil rigs, even if you are of a different race and religion, most parents are still bound to respect you.

• The bad mannerisms that either your partner and you are showing must go.

If you are smoking, or your words are full of vulgarities and profanities, please minimize them and even stop them if you can. If both of you are always scantily clad, dress appropriately instead. Just place yourself in your parents’ shoes; would you want your children next time to mix around with people who have mannerisms like you now?

• In your love relationship, take care of each other, and let both your and your partner’s parents know about it.

Parents can perceive if your partner and you are appropriate for each other. Even if you are financially stable, or even rich, if you are not taking care of each other in practical ways such as providing the needs and wants for each other, parents would not care less about what you have in the bank. That is because even if you are rich financially, if you have a stingy attitude or a small heart for others, parents will know that you will not be able to take care of your partner at the end of the day.

Parents must be convinced through gentleness and example instead of mere words only.

As I have shared before in the email, no sane parent will want their child to live on this life lonely and never marry. Neither any sane parent will ever deny their child to have a great life partner in life. However noone is going to be convinced by mere words. You will need to lead by gentleness and example, showing that you do hear your parents’ words, but that you are able to prove that this love relationship is worth it. Then will your parents’ hearts be soften, and gradually come into acceptance of your love relationship after the test of time.